Oh Mother,

My mother called me today. She is 82 years old and has had several strokes. She is fearful of her death. I'm fearful of her death. What will I do when I don't have my Mommy anymore? We talked about how she prays every day to be permitted to live until she is 112 years old. I don't know why she has picked that age. Perhaps it has something to do with my great grandmother who lived to be 104. We thought it was 116 at first but an old family bible finally confirmed her age at 104. Mom told me she had seen an angle the other night and the angle was caring something (she didn't know what) to God. She said the angle walked right beside her. I can comfort her until I'm blue in the face but, I think if someone told me that I was going to die soon, I'd be afraid. I don't know why we cling to a life and world with so much pain attached to it. As I remind myself of the promises found in the Bible I know that it will be great when we cross over to our true home. Peace, love, no war, no fear, or hate. We'll be home, our true home. This world is not our home. We are visitors here. We live within while remaining apart from this world. I find myself looking at Hebrews 10:23 which says, "And let us hold unwaveringly to the hope that we confess, for the one who made the promise is trustworthy." Is my faith all talk or do I believe it. When we confess our sins and ask forgiveness I know we are forgiven. But, if we don't really believe-how can we except that forgiveness. And if we don't except it then we cannot have it. I don't want to be like the lion in the Wizard of Oz. "I do believe, I do, I do, I do..." I want to believe, to know to the deepest depths of my soul. I believe that I do believe and there is no fear here. I believe what I feel is regret at leaving my loved ones and the familiar behind. But, If Christ were to appeared in front of me today and offered to let me go home right at that moment-I know that I would go. No fear here.